Am I allowed to be who I really want to be?
I want to share an example in this blog where, through reflection, I came to the realization that I was no longer allowed to be myself. I became aware of the fact that I was no longer wagging my tail. Disconnection and self-reflection allow you to step out of the game and look at your own behavior and thought process. It allows you to pursue a mindset of constant improvement.
I was once the successful director of a beautiful company, had a nice house and a serious car. With a beautiful wife and four wonderful kids by my side, life seemed to be smiling at me in all its glory. Yet something was missing, I often felt empty inside and did not feel that I was getting everything out of life. I began to reflect and, over time, noticed that I was not living the life of myself. Holy shit....
I was conforming to a picture that was not really mine. I was somehow not allowed by myself to be who I really wanted to be. For example, as a director, I felt I had to work a minimum of 50 hours a week, I had to go to networking meetings and had to travel across the country to have to be everywhere at once (you read it, four times "have to" in one sentence). I was not allowed time for sports, recreation, hobbies and felt guilty if I didn't think about my work. I had to win and, above all, was not allowed by myself to make mistakes. Flats, ... there are the child conclusions....
My great passion "music" and my band Casual Silence, of which I was lead singer from the mid-1990s, no longer belonged in the picture. From 'outside-in' images that I had to conform to from myself, I was living a life where I seemed to be visibly very successful. But I was no longer quipping, I wasn't really being myself. I was stuck in a pattern, which didn't really make me happy.
More and more I was confronted with the fact that I was not allowed to be completely myself by myself. And I started working on my vitality. I started looking at how I live and how I could optimize this. I looked at what I really want and wrote it down. Eventually I realized this and became a lighter form of myself. I allowed myself to be again who I really want to be. I let go of a lot and started to live more 'inside-out'. From my wishes and desires, from my ideals and values. And look what happened....
Fixed patterns and securities were let go of. My own limitations were accepted. The wounds from my past, from my family of origin, were taken care of and I could go full steam ahead again. The microphone was picked up again and the band Casual Silence was reformed after 11 years. Old friendships were revived. I had time again, no..... I made time again for the things I really cared about. The things that make me wag my tail.
If you have also 'somewhat lost yourself' as a leader or as a person, know that you can also find yourself again. If you want to be guided in this, please contact me. What will you find? A 'down to earth' person, born in Mierlo and raised in Helmond, who listens with great attention to your story. Someone who tries to understand 'how you tick'. Someone with integrity who, by means of holding up a mirror, lets you look at yourself on a rational and emotional level. Let you explain things, let you feel things. Let you transform in a no-nonsense way into a lighter form of yourself. Lighter, because you carry less troubles with you. And you can get back to creating, to wagging your tail!
Answers to the questions in this article can be found in our Paradise Shaper method. Should you want even deeper and more extensive answers, the book "It's not about You" by Paul Smilde is interesting for you to read. The Paradise Shaper method is based on this book. The foundation of our method are our four pillars: Reflect, Vitalize, Ambition and Influence. Paradise Shapers understand the art of using these pillars effectively. These pillars translate to: Who am I? How do I live? What do I want? How do I realize that? These are fascinating life questions that it all revolves around during our time on this globe.
