In 2025, I'm going to do things differently!
The sense and nonsense of good intentions
Hopefully you're recharged during the Christmas and New Year's period! If you have really calmed down during these dark days you are probably already starting to bubble and fizzle: new ideas to do things differently this year. I find it quite comical how we start every year with the same ritual. After saying "Best Wishes," invariably comes the question:
What are your good intentions for this year?
I notice that the answers are often about one's own health.
'Exercising twice a week',
"No alcohol during the week
or even more goal-oriented:
'Lose 20 pounds'
Some have good intentions for their business.
'Listen to my colleagues' ideas,' they say,
'Calling three new prospects every week',
or even more result-oriented:
'20% growth in sales'
Blue Monday
About 50% of people give up these good intentions during the third week of the year. This year, the symbolic "Blue Monday" falls on Jan. 20. It is the day we throw in the towel. After 3 enthusiastic weeks, we conclude that we really don't feel like going to the gym again. A depressing day, on which we conclude that we would like to do things differently. want tobut in the end we can't can't do it. There is no change and the desired results do not occur.
Why do we fall for it every year? Why is it that we have such a hard time turning our good intentions into structural results?
Kink in the cable
Let's dive in a little deeper to see where the kink is. The basic assumption is that you can achieve results by structurally changing your behavior. And to really demonstrate that new behavior, you let your brain set good intentions. By sharing those resolutions with others, you create extra peer pressure to get you to engage in the desired behavior.
In doing so, one step is overlooked. Between thoughts and behavior there is an indispensable link. One element that determines what behaviors you actually display throughout the day: those are your emotions. Dr. Joe Dispenza also calls "emotion" the abbreviation for "energy in motion. It is the energy in your body that gets you moving. They are positive feelings of enthusiasm, connection and satisfaction. But also the negative feelings of anger, jealousy or dislike.
In my book "It's NOT About You," I describe how our culture doesn't know how to deal with emotions. Especially the so-called 'negative' emotions we push away. We don't want to feel them. We see our emotions as ballast and flee into things we know are not good for us. This can happen in many ways: Netflixing, social media, junk food, soft drinks, smoking and alcohol are obvious. But working too hard, exercising excessively, filling your schedule with social activities and stringing together festivals and vacations are all attempts to distract your mind and numb the discomfort in your body.
We are afraid of our emotions. We don't understand where they come from. We avoid them. And as a result, we miss a unique opportunity to really grow.
Your powerful subconscious
Good intentions we develop with our conscious brain. We analyze what could be better and resolve to do things differently. The challenge, however, is that we only consciously create 5% of our thoughts. Every day you have about 60,000 thoughts. And the vast majority of these thoughts originate from your subconscious. Your subconscious is an insanely powerful database that is in full operation 24/7. Even when you are sleeping!
With your 5 senses - seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and feeling - you perceive about 40 bits of data per second. Meanwhile, your subconscious is working to interpret this data and supplement it with information you don't consciously perceive. And the capacity this requires is many times greater - it processes nearly a million times more bits per second!
How does this work? Your subconscious mind is like a mega-library in which all past experiences are stored. That storage links the 5 data points of your senses - sight, sound, taste, smell and touch - with the feeling value you experienced during the perception. The subconscious mind is only after one thing: your safety. It will make sure you stay away from danger in every circumstance. In addition, it wants to make your experiences as pleasurable for you as possible.
And so the subconscious compares all your perceptions with the stored data points from your past. The feeling value that is also stored in the process is decisive for the action your subconscious takes. Does the situation you are in now resemble a very positive experience from the past? Then your subconscious wants you to experience it again. Does your current situation have many characteristics that resemble an impotence experience from in the past? Then your subconscious will want to warn you. And what language does your subconscious use in doing so? Indeed, your emotions!
That darn youth!
Okay, so my negative emotions are warning me of danger. Then it's precisely wise to stop activities that don't feel nice, right?
It would be so if your emotions were always right. If they would always indicate what is best for you as an adult in the situation you are in. But do they? From what period in your life do the experiences that your subconscious mind uses as a reference for your current experience stem from? Decades of psychoanalytic research show that more than 90% of these experiences can be traced back to the first 6 years of our lives.
A child in those early years has an insane ability to learn quickly. They do not do this cognitively like adults, who want to grasp theory first and then slowly try to apply what they have learned. Children live permanently in a dream world, so to speak. The world around them and their inner imagination merge seamlessly. The gateway to their subconscious is still wide open. This can be determined scientifically by measuring the frequency of their brain waves in an EEG (echo encephalogram). Children's brains emit mainly beta waves throughout the day, which correspond to our brain waves when we actively dream at night during sleep.
So how do children learn? They simply watch someone else do something, and playfully apply it immediately. They are like an empty computer downloading new software programs from the Internet. Thus, in no time accent-free several languages spoken in their environment and learn to play sports or musical instruments.
This is how patterns emerge
This mechanism has great advantages, but also a disadvantage. From birth, children flawlessly sense that they are completely dependent on others for survival. First it is the parents or caregivers, later also teachers, trainers or other children. Every small child experiences situations when parents are not there for them for a while. They are punished when they indulge their creativity. They have difficulty connecting with others. A child experiences such a situation of helplessness as life-threatening, in the most literal sense. Without the help and affirmation of others, they feel doomed.
What does your subconscious do with such "negative" experiences? It links the highest emotional alarm to the sensory perceptions of that moment. Patterns and associated beliefs nestle in your subconscious. These should prevent you from ever being in such a situation of 'danger' again. 'I'm not good enough', I don't belong., or 'I don't deserve success' are examples of such beliefs. But also 'I need to be in control', 'I need to gain recognition' or 'I need to get rich' are common. Without realizing it, almost all of your drives and patterns stem from negative childhood experiences.
Develop your leadership
During your childhood, these patterns had a function. They wanted to keep you from danger. But now that you are an adult, many of your patterns no longer serve you. Often they hinder you from functioning. They keep you from really developing your talents. And that's exactly what happens with your good intentions. With your conscious brain, you know perfectly well what is good for you. But your subconscious patterns start to undermine your resolutions. Subconsciously there lives a belief that you can't do this, that there's no point, you're not worth it, or that it's too hard for you anyway. And because you are not consciously aware of your actions 95% of the time, your subconscious is many times stronger than your conscious brain in the long run.
So is it pointless to make good intentions? Are you permanently trapped in your unconscious patterns? Is any attempt to develop yourself doomed to failure?
Certainly not, as long as you focus your energy on proper development. You want to gain insight into your patterns. Hold them up to the light and determine if they are still serving you. Anything that surfaces tends to dissolve. Leaders who really want to make an impact dare to take such an inner journey. They learn how to free themselves from their obstructive patterns. Your subconscious then no longer undermines your good intentions, but rather will support them.
Synchronicity
What happens then is truly extraordinary. You replace the fear in your life with a deep trust that life has your best interests at heart. You are here with a mission and you start to feel it in every fiber of your being. By focusing your attention on that assignment, your subconscious starts working for you. More and more, you find yourself in the right place at the right time. In a fancy word, this is called "synchronicity.
You meet people who can take your mission one step further. You gain knowledge and insights from the most "accidental" sources. You attract others who find your vision inspiring. They want to work with you to make your dream a reality. Your good intentions used to be an end in themselves, but now become just a means to achieve your larger vision. Or you begin to recognize that some resolutions don't support your vision at all. So your subconscious was right to go into resistance after all. In short, you go beyond your patterns to the core of your intuition. That becomes the GPS on which you will navigate your leadership.
How we guide you
And that's exactly where our leadership programs stand out. We dive under the hood. First, we work with you and your team to gain a deep understanding of your own patterns and drives. What hinders you in your functioning? What exactly happens in concrete situations? What do you feel inside?
We use a wide range of proven techniques. The DISC or Insights color analysis, underlying drives research, team roles methodology, or systemic work such as constellations to name a few. They unerringly expose what's going on. We don't just teach you skills. With our Paradise Shaper method, we transform patterns even at the subconscious level. This gets the energy flowing again, in yourself and in the team as a whole. Your development accelerates and your team transforms into a high performance team.
Do you really want to make a breakthrough in your leadership? Read here more about our Personal Paradise program. In 6-12 coaching sessions we guide you to a breakthrough in your leadership. You will receive access to our online My Paradise environment, with daily podcasts and videos to secure your transformation.
Do you want to develop your entire team into a High Performance team? Then our Team Paradise program is particularly effective. Read here how we guide your team through all phases of transformation in 6-12 months. We guide both your team members individually in their development, and the team as a whole. All team members are also given access to the online My Paradise environment to be constantly nurtured in their change process.
Want to spar with no obligation about the opportunities Paradise Shaper can support you and your team with? Then please here contact us!
We wish you an Impactful 2025!
Warm regards, Team Paradise Shaper
